One of the most difficult challenges in life is to make your emotion catch up with your ambitions. When you are young, you are less likely to be settled in your way, and changes to your life throws back, or at least destabilizes, any habits you believe you have acquired, even if just for the short term. Never believe yourself superior to your emotions, for whether you like it or not, they are your personality, and you should spend time meditating on how to live with them, rather than ignoring their vagaries and having them destroy you. Habits are always such that, whether acquired in poverty or wealth, tend to remain the same, simply because it’s too mentally exhausting to change them. How I bemoan that equations are not used more extensively in communication, perhaps they will in time. We are feeble today, which is something that always happens when extra wealth is acquired, although admittedly that is still something at god’s discretion for us. Praise should always be thought of in silence, for if you do it publicly, that effectively destroys the honor of its recipient. Silence, that is the ideal communication for now.
This is difficult. Years and years of suffering has made the possibilities of feeling peace, even in the absence of sources of agony, well nigh impossible. Am I doomed to be a prisoner of my emotions forever, unable to feel contentment because I am too busy obsessing over why I failed instead of promoting my future. I feel sad, because people have caused me inhuman harm, and simply ignoring that and living my life now is not easy, I just wanted to feel peace, and now that the possibility is here I ignore it and instead spend my time thinking as to why I have been prevented from feeling it in the past, something, which of course has no answer. All I can do is mourn, perhaps because peace is not really a fundamental human right, even though the pursuit of it is. I must remind myself that I am not strange in feeling this way, for at the end of a bloody war, who in an entire country can claim to feel immediate peace? Such a task is not human, and emotional wounds take time to heal. ...
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