Humanity is a sun of hatred for us. One never ceases to be amazed at just how bottomless a human being’s capacity for contempt is. Every human being thinks he’s god, and so everybody insults me to their toenails whenever anything happens that contradicts this belief. How is that my fault? Why do you call me a dog for refusing to let a lecher be my boss? Some of you are convinced that having the right accent is more important than saying the right words, but people who believe that believe that superiority is genetic, not meritocratic. Go ahead and sin then. Let’s see how long you will stay human before devolving into an abomination. Everybody ignores those who insult others, and when it is directed at them, they go ahead and call the police. Is it true, then, that heaven has vanished along with the thousands of species that have gone extinct? It is all worth it, though, because this is what it means to be independent. Your mind is barren, your words vapid, so go ahead and fantasize about being god in your manor. My greater concern is how to harmonize my life with the fly that buzzes near me every now and then. That is relevance.
This is difficult. Years and years of suffering has made the possibilities of feeling peace, even in the absence of sources of agony, well nigh impossible. Am I doomed to be a prisoner of my emotions forever, unable to feel contentment because I am too busy obsessing over why I failed instead of promoting my future. I feel sad, because people have caused me inhuman harm, and simply ignoring that and living my life now is not easy, I just wanted to feel peace, and now that the possibility is here I ignore it and instead spend my time thinking as to why I have been prevented from feeling it in the past, something, which of course has no answer. All I can do is mourn, perhaps because peace is not really a fundamental human right, even though the pursuit of it is. I must remind myself that I am not strange in feeling this way, for at the end of a bloody war, who in an entire country can claim to feel immediate peace? Such a task is not human, and emotional wounds take time to heal. ...
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