Your behavior is missing, but is that because we forgot to write the fourth installment for the day? I weep, for I know that bigamy is wrong and yet half the wealthy people in the country practice it. A wrong touch goes a long way in causing harm, even if it’s between your own fingers. People feast on mistakes, and don’t magnify accomplishments. If you make a mistake, people will step on your face and throw mud in your eyes, and if you do something right, you never get praise for what you do, you only get silence. I feel tired, and weak, because not a single human being on this earth supports me. All I have is the categorical imperative to keep me alive. Will you keep on insulting me? When I do something wrong, why do you try and force me to do ten extra wrong things, instead of berating me and telling me that I should improve my behavior? This is not living, for I have no moral safety net in my life other than moral instinct. That is not enough. I am tired of being repeatedly spat at, but I will keep on behaving with honor, even if you insist on mixing vomit with my food.
This is difficult. Years and years of suffering has made the possibilities of feeling peace, even in the absence of sources of agony, well nigh impossible. Am I doomed to be a prisoner of my emotions forever, unable to feel contentment because I am too busy obsessing over why I failed instead of promoting my future. I feel sad, because people have caused me inhuman harm, and simply ignoring that and living my life now is not easy, I just wanted to feel peace, and now that the possibility is here I ignore it and instead spend my time thinking as to why I have been prevented from feeling it in the past, something, which of course has no answer. All I can do is mourn, perhaps because peace is not really a fundamental human right, even though the pursuit of it is. I must remind myself that I am not strange in feeling this way, for at the end of a bloody war, who in an entire country can claim to feel immediate peace? Such a task is not human, and emotional wounds take time to heal. ...
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