If we insist on feeling ennui, let it be known that we are like a jazz musician on a keyboard, having a one hour slot of music each day that needs to be filled, and, with love, to variate the notes with enough repetitiveness to be engaging. A conversationalist is no different from a writer, for it is a job, one that should get paid for. We are like water, for there is a lot of similarity in our behavior, but we vary our output every now and then to gain the approval of our emotions. Our heart is our boss, and our brain is his employee, for he sets the tone for what should be said, and then our mind is then responsible for fluting it out. But, O mighty heart, you never give us your opinions, as most of the time, you either approve or disapprove of our actions, but don’t forget, that the mind needs to lash you from time to time, so that you don’t end up feeling manic with passion, leading to you and your spouses agony. For the heart and the brain are married to each other, and whenever they go their separate ways, the body suffers. Some independence is clearly needed, but ultimately, that should only be done to strengthen the relationship.
This is difficult. Years and years of suffering has made the possibilities of feeling peace, even in the absence of sources of agony, well nigh impossible. Am I doomed to be a prisoner of my emotions forever, unable to feel contentment because I am too busy obsessing over why I failed instead of promoting my future. I feel sad, because people have caused me inhuman harm, and simply ignoring that and living my life now is not easy, I just wanted to feel peace, and now that the possibility is here I ignore it and instead spend my time thinking as to why I have been prevented from feeling it in the past, something, which of course has no answer. All I can do is mourn, perhaps because peace is not really a fundamental human right, even though the pursuit of it is. I must remind myself that I am not strange in feeling this way, for at the end of a bloody war, who in an entire country can claim to feel immediate peace? Such a task is not human, and emotional wounds take time to heal. ...
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