Our words are getting weaker and weaker, and once again we find ourselves in a situation where others can support us, but we can’t support ourselves. We are living in great discomfort, running from this place to that place because we simply don’t know what to do with ourselves. This constant tug of war between angels and demons simply does us no good, for it forces us to be inactive, making us feel that our fate lies in every person’s hand but our own. If we love, then forgive us because it’s strength is not great enough to liberate us. We lack synchronicity, and that is exactly the difference between Gabriel and Lucifer, for gabriel likes harmony, lucifer disharmony. We find ourselves drowning, for words of honor are being thrown here and there like arrows from a bow after we have been thrown from the parapet, not knowing what lies below, but knowing that our armor, which has protected us for so long, might yet cause us to drown if we land on water. How many men and women exist on this earth, who have such great stability of virtue and passion, that they could stand motionless, as sentinels fulfilling their shift? Not many.
This is difficult. Years and years of suffering has made the possibilities of feeling peace, even in the absence of sources of agony, well nigh impossible. Am I doomed to be a prisoner of my emotions forever, unable to feel contentment because I am too busy obsessing over why I failed instead of promoting my future. I feel sad, because people have caused me inhuman harm, and simply ignoring that and living my life now is not easy, I just wanted to feel peace, and now that the possibility is here I ignore it and instead spend my time thinking as to why I have been prevented from feeling it in the past, something, which of course has no answer. All I can do is mourn, perhaps because peace is not really a fundamental human right, even though the pursuit of it is. I must remind myself that I am not strange in feeling this way, for at the end of a bloody war, who in an entire country can claim to feel immediate peace? Such a task is not human, and emotional wounds take time to heal. ...
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