There is always an air of a pending visit to a death chamber whenever I write. Indeed, perhaps this time, I have really reached the end. A moral mistake makes a person suffer twice as it gets digested, once through the memory, and the other through battling the unhealthy peace that concurrently arises. Peace is our enemy, and we have fought, and still are fighting, claw and canine in order to tame it and simply feel the kind of bored engrossment that makes the repeated task of closing and opening a cupboard everyday the peak of emotional verisimilitude, without any appendix to a greater life purpose. How to I cutoff the metal bonds that appear when a foreign sin occurs? I will pay dearly for that, and deeply regret the common wisdom that says that consciousness doesn’t end with the guillotine. That is why we don’t believe in the death penalty, because you are basically doing the criminal a favor by ending his suffering. No, criminals have to live, because that is the greatest punishment that can be meted out to them. Today, both Saddam Hussein and osama bin laden are a part of the jury. Wish us luck.
This is difficult. Years and years of suffering has made the possibilities of feeling peace, even in the absence of sources of agony, well nigh impossible. Am I doomed to be a prisoner of my emotions forever, unable to feel contentment because I am too busy obsessing over why I failed instead of promoting my future. I feel sad, because people have caused me inhuman harm, and simply ignoring that and living my life now is not easy, I just wanted to feel peace, and now that the possibility is here I ignore it and instead spend my time thinking as to why I have been prevented from feeling it in the past, something, which of course has no answer. All I can do is mourn, perhaps because peace is not really a fundamental human right, even though the pursuit of it is. I must remind myself that I am not strange in feeling this way, for at the end of a bloody war, who in an entire country can claim to feel immediate peace? Such a task is not human, and emotional wounds take time to heal. ...
Comments
Post a Comment