It’s a shame, that Americans are as rare as a ruby in a rock in this part of the world. Perhaps it compromises their ideals too much to be near us, and in the end, a people are a people, independent of accent. Our life has been given a very rude halt from our attempts to achieve financial harmony purely from an investment perspective. As things have turned out, the amount we actually need to spend on products seems to exceed the amounts being invested, and if I tell myself, I don’t care, I just won’t invest, that would leave me destitute, Unfortunately, my life developed more and more to the point where I cared less and less about money, such that if ever the opportunity arises to generate some, I will halt and say to myself: Fool, you have lived in this city, driving a damaged car for many years, and have felt nothing but wealth independent peace in those times that you did feel good about yourself, so call billionaires gods or idiots, you are not one of them, and your life is one of promoting virtue. Convergence between ambition and habit will probably be the compromise though, and if we die destitute, at least let us stay connected.
This is difficult. Years and years of suffering has made the possibilities of feeling peace, even in the absence of sources of agony, well nigh impossible. Am I doomed to be a prisoner of my emotions forever, unable to feel contentment because I am too busy obsessing over why I failed instead of promoting my future. I feel sad, because people have caused me inhuman harm, and simply ignoring that and living my life now is not easy, I just wanted to feel peace, and now that the possibility is here I ignore it and instead spend my time thinking as to why I have been prevented from feeling it in the past, something, which of course has no answer. All I can do is mourn, perhaps because peace is not really a fundamental human right, even though the pursuit of it is. I must remind myself that I am not strange in feeling this way, for at the end of a bloody war, who in an entire country can claim to feel immediate peace? Such a task is not human, and emotional wounds take time to heal. ...
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