I know it’s silly of us, but we should never really worry about how large the company we are invested in is. Technically, the potential for growth of such a company is limited, but is that really correct? What matters is for us is to be in the service of the global economy. You should never get blinded by wealth if doing so simply produces an emotional wasteland in your heart. The companies I own are the companies that I owe allegiance to. What matters is not their size, but their products. I don’t know why things are this way, but literally half our time is spent doing nothing, because half of the time of the people around me is spent trying to force me to sin, which means that all I can do in this time is sit down and keep my mind blank. Investing in a company you haven’t invested in before is a very painful process, because you are forced to battle the threat of harm until things stabilize and you live your life as you formerly used to, with the exception of the fine tuning required to accommodate your new purchases. People largely are more interested in insulting you than receiving praise from you. Inactivity, that is your shield.
This is difficult. Years and years of suffering has made the possibilities of feeling peace, even in the absence of sources of agony, well nigh impossible. Am I doomed to be a prisoner of my emotions forever, unable to feel contentment because I am too busy obsessing over why I failed instead of promoting my future. I feel sad, because people have caused me inhuman harm, and simply ignoring that and living my life now is not easy, I just wanted to feel peace, and now that the possibility is here I ignore it and instead spend my time thinking as to why I have been prevented from feeling it in the past, something, which of course has no answer. All I can do is mourn, perhaps because peace is not really a fundamental human right, even though the pursuit of it is. I must remind myself that I am not strange in feeling this way, for at the end of a bloody war, who in an entire country can claim to feel immediate peace? Such a task is not human, and emotional wounds take time to heal. ...
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